Birthday Wishes

While I love celebrating other people's birthdays, I don't enjoy my own. As a kid I used to but one birthday kind of ruined them all for me. It has some not so great memories of my dad that I should probably not post because who wants to remember hurt feelings? But here goes. On my 17th birthday I went to school with high hopes for the day. But during lunch I couldn't find any of my friends and ended up eating alone. I came home from school that day to an empty house as my parents were both at work & I don't remember where Angel was. I was feeling very lonely when a friend called and invited me to get ice cream from Dairy Queen. Of course I said yes. Who wants to be alone all day on their birthday? So I went to their house and we had some ice cream and it was a nice time. I wasn't alone anymore.

Next thing I know, their phone is ringing and it's my dad telling me to get home right away. He was angry I wasn't home when he got off work. Back at home he proceeded to yell at me and tell me how selfish I was for going out to my friend's house on my birthday and why didn't I consider that my family might want to have dinner with me. He then sent me to my room for the night. It was awful. I was lonely all day and when someone reached out to me, I didn't push them away. I didn't want to be alone anymore that day, but he only saw me as selfish for not considering his feelings that day.

So I'm not really a fan of my own birthday. With him gone now, it's such an emotional day. I spent a great amount of time yesterday crying. THANKFULLY, an old phone has a birthday voicemail he left me which I played at least a dozen times yesterday. Over and over. All day I was irritated and just wanted the day to end. But I had already planned on working out with my trainer and she said we could go out afterwards for a treat at Applebee's. So we went and while there, she had a surprise waiting for me. She & Levi had schemed and my kids were there along with a couple of my friends. It was a really nice ending to a really crappy day. That was very thoughtful of both of them and made me feel very much loved.