Today my dad would have been 59 years old. I woke up thinking about him and wishing he were here. I regretted not showing him more just how much I loved him. But then a thought crossed my mind...he knows because he's seen me grieve.
Tonight my mom is coming over for dinner and birthday cake. I can't imagine how much pain this day might bring her or the struggle she goes through every day waking up without him. She has been much stronger than I could've imagined she would be.
I really don't have much else to say right now. I just wanted to acknowledge his birthday.
I miss you and love you with all the pieces of my still shattered heart, Dad. Happy Birthday.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
A Man Who Loved Politics
I first got a glimpse of how much my father loved politics when I was 13 years old. We just moved from California to Oregon and it was 1993. Oregon was in the middle of a huge battle between environmentalists who fought for the homes of spotted owls and loggers who fought to put food on the table by doing their jobs. I remember one day we were in our hotel room and the news came on with pictures of these adorable owls. I made a comment about how sad it was for them and boy, oh boy did I hear it from my dad. He called me a "tree hugger" and let me know just how wrong I was to be more concerned over the owls than I was over the humans trying to do their jobs.
I don't think he intended to come across so harsh, although at the time it really hurt my feelings. What I would come to learn over time was that my dad was very passionate about politics all the way up until his passing. My parents lived in Washington at the end of his life and he took seriously his role in the caucus process. My dad was a very firm conservative both fiscally and socially. He loved watching Fox News and at times would yell at the tv. My sister, who once followed in his Republican footsteps, became his complete opposite as she got older. This would be a source of much tension between the two. I imagine they both thought the other was completely stupid and ignorant to the real world issues. As for me, I also became conservative and was never involved in any political disputes with my dad (with the exception of the incident in 1993). If there was anything that I was more purple than red on, I just kept it to myself and didn't bother with all the debating.
So here we are in an Election year. And I'm watching Fox News (probably too much) and I'm finding myself wanting to yell at the tv. I think if he were here, he would be flabbergasted. Those who are registered "Republican" have me completely pissed off. Donald Trump. REALLY??!! And Ted Cruz?! Come on people! Wake up! Neither of these two would make a good president. Trump is full of hate and completely lacks substance. Cruz is full of lies and such a phony. How are people being fooled by them? Considering I'm a conservative living in a blue state, my vote doesn't actually count or have any weight in all this. So I sit feeling helpless that our country has taken an extreme turn for the worse. At least I won't have to violate my conscience by voting for either of these men, Hillary, or Bernie. I can write in a name and it won't make any difference to the results.
My vote will go for Marco Rubio. Although he's really screwed things up for himself, where he stands on issues is more in line with where I stand on them. But who would my dad vote for if he were here? I'm guessing that at first he would've boarded that Trump Train because the contrarian in me comes from him. But then I'm guessing he'd smarten up and realize Trump isn't saying anything specific or of value and I'm guessing he'd switch to someone who actually IS conservative.
This whole joke of an election has me so frustrated that last night I resorted to eating chocolate and drinking a glass of wine (which I HATE wine) in order to chill out a bit as I watched Trump win more states. I think from the viewpoint my dad now has, he would tell me I need to change my focus and that I'm showing distrust in God when I allow myself to get worked up over the things of this world. I think he would say there is a bigger picture to look at and the King is still on His throne. No matter how wonky this world gets, what happens here is not the end. I have a future to look forward to with my Heavenly Father that will always outshine whatever future this earth can bring.
I don't think he intended to come across so harsh, although at the time it really hurt my feelings. What I would come to learn over time was that my dad was very passionate about politics all the way up until his passing. My parents lived in Washington at the end of his life and he took seriously his role in the caucus process. My dad was a very firm conservative both fiscally and socially. He loved watching Fox News and at times would yell at the tv. My sister, who once followed in his Republican footsteps, became his complete opposite as she got older. This would be a source of much tension between the two. I imagine they both thought the other was completely stupid and ignorant to the real world issues. As for me, I also became conservative and was never involved in any political disputes with my dad (with the exception of the incident in 1993). If there was anything that I was more purple than red on, I just kept it to myself and didn't bother with all the debating.
So here we are in an Election year. And I'm watching Fox News (probably too much) and I'm finding myself wanting to yell at the tv. I think if he were here, he would be flabbergasted. Those who are registered "Republican" have me completely pissed off. Donald Trump. REALLY??!! And Ted Cruz?! Come on people! Wake up! Neither of these two would make a good president. Trump is full of hate and completely lacks substance. Cruz is full of lies and such a phony. How are people being fooled by them? Considering I'm a conservative living in a blue state, my vote doesn't actually count or have any weight in all this. So I sit feeling helpless that our country has taken an extreme turn for the worse. At least I won't have to violate my conscience by voting for either of these men, Hillary, or Bernie. I can write in a name and it won't make any difference to the results.
My vote will go for Marco Rubio. Although he's really screwed things up for himself, where he stands on issues is more in line with where I stand on them. But who would my dad vote for if he were here? I'm guessing that at first he would've boarded that Trump Train because the contrarian in me comes from him. But then I'm guessing he'd smarten up and realize Trump isn't saying anything specific or of value and I'm guessing he'd switch to someone who actually IS conservative.
This whole joke of an election has me so frustrated that last night I resorted to eating chocolate and drinking a glass of wine (which I HATE wine) in order to chill out a bit as I watched Trump win more states. I think from the viewpoint my dad now has, he would tell me I need to change my focus and that I'm showing distrust in God when I allow myself to get worked up over the things of this world. I think he would say there is a bigger picture to look at and the King is still on His throne. No matter how wonky this world gets, what happens here is not the end. I have a future to look forward to with my Heavenly Father that will always outshine whatever future this earth can bring.
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