Excalibur and Family Vacations

This weekend I'm in Vegas with a few friends and it's bringing back memories of when my parents took my sister and I to stay at Excalibur as kids.  My parents had told Angela and I that we needed to be out of the house for the day while it was being bug bombed.  I remember being in the car for such a long time and trying to figure out where they were taking us.  All they said was we were just going out for a drive while we let the fog settle in the house.  After a bit, my sister and I started noticing the license plates going by were Nevada plates and no longer California plates.  It was at that point we realized they were surprising us with at trip somewhere and we began trying to guess what we were going to do.

To our surprise we were taken to Excalibur here in Las Vegas.  My mom had packed our suitcases without our knowledge.  I remember my parents telling us we couldn't go in the casino part but having limitations on where we could go didn't put a damper on any of our fun.  My dad took us into the arcade area and I remember he bought us fabric swords, a crown, and a headband with flowers and ribbons.  They took us to the Tournament of Kings show where we enjoyed a show and ate a dinner of cornish hen with our hands and no silverware.  There is a partial memory that I wish I could make complete, but I remember being with my dad in one part of the hotel (maybe about to play an arcade game or see a movie...not sure) and I remember feeling so happy in that moment.  We were so happy.  They made that trip a memorable and joyful one for us.

As we walked in Excalibur last night, it was the first time I'd been inside since that trip with my parents many, many years ago.  The memories flooded in and the feeling of happiness I remember having with my parents was there all over again.  I looked in one of the stores for the swords I remember getting.  They had swords, but they'd changed over time.  I walked by the place where you can have your picture taken with medieval characters.  Just like we had done before.

My dad and mom gave me and my sister a wonderful childhood.  Full of great memories.  This trip in particular is one of my favorite.  It was a thought out surprise.  My dad loved giving us surprises.  I've got more great memories of the thoughtful things he did to show me love, but I need to wrap this post up for now because we're about to head out to a show.

Boy do I miss my dad.

The Top Three Current Memories

Ever since he passed away, there are three images that have continually run through my head which I remember about him.  These three are frequenting my mind less and less, which I think is what prompted my worry that I would forget about him.

The first thing that runs through my mind is his hair.  The hair on his arms as well as the hair on his head.  My dad had very hairy arms.  I used to think I got my hairy arms from the Italian genes in me, but now I'm pretty sure it was from my dad.  I remember holding his hand and just looking at how hairy his arms were.  What an odd thing to remember, right?  As weird as it is, I miss those hairy arms.  They gave great hugs.  Strong hugs.  Comforting hugs.

The hair on his head was always oily, despite the fact that he showered daily.  I think it may have been a side effect of the anti-seizure meds, but I'm not certain.  Maybe he just was prone to oily hair.  I remember feeling bad for him that he had to deal with that.  Course even with oily hair, he was still very handsome.  I remember on my wedding day the fuss to try and get his hair to lay right.  It still ended up a little scattered, but the pictures turned out wonderfully.

The next image that runs through my mind is how my dad used to wipe the sides of his mouth with his hand.  He often had dry mouth, again a side effect from medicine I'm assuming, and would wipe the little white stuff off that sometimes builds in the corners of the lips.  He would do this by cupping his hand over his chin and lips and wiping down with his thumb and index finger as he opened his mouth at the same time.  I really don't know how to describe it accurately, but it's in my mind and I don't want to forget because it is part of how I remember him so I'm adding it to this post.  More for me than for my kids' memories.

The third memory is not so much an image, but a sound and image together.  It also is mixed in combination with the memory just listed above.  And that is his laughter.  His one of a kind laugh.  I wish I could hear it again, but somehow I know that if I were to hear it again I would know for certain who it belonged to.  Sometimes his laugh was accompanied by the wiping of his mouth after he told a funny story.  The mouth swipe and laughter combined with it became part of the storytelling.  

So those are the top three memories that I'm afraid are starting to fade.  I will keep running them through my head in hopes of keeping them with me.  They are little nuances of his that I don't ever want to forget.  Odd little memories perhaps, but incredibly important to me still.

Capturing the Memories Before They Fade

Over the past couple weeks, I've been slowly feeling like I'm forgetting things about my dad.  It's been only 3 months since he went home, so I'm not sure how I can be feeling this way already.  It makes me feel guilty and sad to think I may lose these memories which are all I really have left of him right now.  Hence the need for this blog.

A book by H. Norman Wright titled "Experiencing Grief" touches on this and gives the advice to write everything down before it starts to fade.  The first sentence of Chapter 19: Capturing the Memories, says, "Many who grieve are upset even more when they discover some of the memories of their loved one begin to fade.  The greater the distance in time from being with a person, the more this will occur."  I read this and started to cry because it makes normal what I'm feeling.  Maybe I don't need to be guilty if this is a usual occurrence among people who have lost someone they love.

He offers a way to remember our loved one by writing down all our memories.  He says, "One of the new roles you take on after the loss of your loved one is becoming their historian.  You may be the main person to convey to others who your loved one really was.....It's an exploration of a life lived rather than a history.  It's capturing the important elements of one's life, commemorating who they were, and giving a testimonial about them."  My children are young still and the things they remember about today will fade as they become adults.  I not only need to write my memories of my dad down for myself, but also for them.  I want them to know who he was.  I don't want them to ever wonder what Grandpa was like.  Especially Cameron and Mei.  Their memories are fewer than what Anna and Zach have to hold onto.

So that is the reason for this new blog.  If anyone comes across this blog and reads it, and happens to know who my wonderful father was, please feel free to share any memories of him you have in the comments sections.  I would love to have friends come alongside and join me in keeping my dad's memory alive.